‘Your Perception’…..is it hurting you?

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‘Thoughts are things’ : Prentice Mulford

For many years I have struggled with ‘Perception’. It never mattered what others said, I would always interpret and process the information based on my own feelings, false beliefs or distorted truths. This has been a constant struggle. Here are some teachings I found interesting and helpful while doing the ‘work’ on myself.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel.  

This is a must have book. Each agreement is vital to developing a healthy mental image. I stumbled on this book years ago and I have incorporated it into my daily living. The agreements may sound simple but in actuality our mindsets and patterns of thinking weren’t developed overnight. Many of them were shaped from our own emotions, experiences, some good, others bad. It takes lots of discipline and self-development to replace these negative behavior traits with positive ones.

The Third Agreement’ says it all:

imageHave you ever texted someone and waited…… and during the time they took to respond a million thoughts flooded your mind…some not so good ones….then out of the blue that person responded. You could feel their positive energy bursting through the telephone. You felt like a fool, there goes your ‘crazy, stinking thinking‘  They were busy and not ignoring your message, Your thoughts were sooo far from the truth. I have done this sooo many times and it’s still a work in progress. This has happened in relationships, casual as well as business. This way of thinking can be so dangerous and harmful. Once these negative seeds are planted in our minds, they indeed do grow…..

 

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Our perception can cheat us of so much. I have also witnessed people that are such prisoners from their own thoughts and way of seeing things. When dealing with narcissistic people, it’s extremely difficult getting them to admit that they judged you incorrectly. They refuse to give up this way of viewing the world. They passed it unto their kids. This can cause so much suffering in our lives. Spreading lies and damaging people’s reputation have occurred as a result of people’s perceptions. They can build a case on someone from their own thinking. It’s important for me that I now ask questions. It’s necessary to give someone the chance to explain themselves.  I must admit that the battle is indeed in our mind…..

I have used the ‘Four Agreements’ by Don Miguel to change my thinking. I try my best to be ‘Impeccable With My Word’….I no longer ‘Take Things Personally’ …..I ‘Dont Make Assumptions’ and ‘I Always Do My Best’…….I stand by these Life- changing Agreements.Hope this helps someone…..

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“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” 

― Wayne W. Dyer

 

SSS

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Thunder

 

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I hear a sound
Where is it coming from?
Is it my own mind?
Lots of noises, mumbling
Once in a while a ringing
Gossiping, complaining,
Are they fighting?
I keep hearing

I hear noises
I hear voices
Loud banging
Car doors slamming
Is that someone swearing
It’s getting louder
I pressed my ears as it gets closer
I get it, they are shouting Hallelujah

Thank you father
I adore you shouts another
Lord you saved me
Lord you delivered me
Praise his name
Bless his name
You are the most high
You are the Almighty
The great I am
The Rose of Sharon

The bright morning star
You are the Lilly of the valley
You are the Prince of peace
In temptation You are my strong tower
Oh Lord you give unto my soul the power
All blessings, all grace, all mercy
It all belongs to you father

Oh how this sweet sound fills my soul
It replaced all the confusion I was feeling before
Those voices sounded so comforting
So pleasant to hear what they were saying
So peaceful, beautiful, so amazing
I long to know more about this Father
They are praising and worshipping

Now I am all excited
Something inside of me ignited
I cannot live this way any longer
Take those things away, that unseen danger
That defeating sound, roars louder than thunder
Quench this thirst, this hunger, this burning desire
My life I lay it down oh God, to you I surrender…

SS

An original poem by me….

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Woman

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Woman

Mama over there
She rises everyday
Her body aches, her soul bleeds
So many mouths to feed

She angrily packs his lunch
Hoping one day they will take turns
Mama wipes the tears from her eyes
Replaced them with a smile
She longs for a better life
Something better than being his wife

Her thoughts want to go there
Mama remembers the words of her own mama
You were destined for greatness, the head and not the tail, above and not beneath
So why am I imprisoned
Feeling guilty for what reason
Subjected to lies, abuse, his anger, tired of hurting
I take the blame for not waiting.
Mama holds her head in shame….

I want more for you
Mama spins around
Was that her own thoughts, who made that sound?
Abide in me, trust in me,
I created you, made you in my own image
Woman I placed the desire for love in you
Someone who shares his love and  cherish you too

Your choices are not what I had in mind
Seek me first, and that special person you will find.
Let me mold you, take away your pain
I did it before, I can do it again.

I will wipe your slate clean
Give you a brand new start,
Come to me my precious child
Allow me in woman, let me heal your broken heart.

An original  poem written by me… April 2016

SSS

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Why you should guard your spirit!

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Holetown St. James Barbados 2016

I once heard a Pastor stated while preaching a sermon that when some people show up in our lives we should ask  who sent them. He explained that at times it seems as though they are on a direct assignment to break you. I have witnessed this myself and have tried to be very careful  when choosing and allowing people into my life. I think it’s very important the company you keep. Surrounding myself with people who inspire, motivate and bring out the best in me is very important. Also knowing the role they play, and who to share personal information about myself is important.

People can appear to be very genuine but have terrible intentions. They can be so crafty and tactful in hiding their true nature until you have let your guard down and allowed them front row seats into your life. Then after you have confided in them, oftentimes this is the same ammunition they will use to attempt to destroy you.

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Every woman should have a true best friend, a lifelong partner. The kind of relationship that have weathered many storms. Not just someone who hangs around during the good times and disappear when the seas are rough. That person that loves you unconditionally.

However we must set boundaries and not over share too much of ourself. Its through my own experiences that I have learnt this. Having things thrown back in your face from someone you made a confidante can definitely hurt you. Now I have mastered the task of guarding my own spirit……

SSS

“It was a mistake,” you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.”
― David Levithan, The Lover’s Dictionary

Vagina Cries…..An Island Girl woes…

 

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Being in Barbados evokes all kinds of childhood memories, some great, others bittersweet. Looking at young ladies here brought me back to my own struggles as a young female growing up on the Island. I remembered attending ‘The O’level Institute’ after High School. I was studying Economics and Commerce, as I dreamed of being a Politician. I was a very shy teenager and on my way to school every evening I had to pass a large motor bike group of mostly male riders in the City. They seemed to await me and would hurl all kinds of teases and sexual advances towards me. This made me feel very uncomfortable and It sickened me whenever I thought about going to school. This was one of the reasons that I would drop out of school and I made up in my mind that somehow I had to over come this shyness.

These type of advances on teenagers by an adult male is very common on the Island and throughout the Caribbean. Many of our childhood games, nursery rhymes, jump ropes, and the words we sang and danced to as kids had powers that we were unaware of. This all contributed and normalized things like poverty, broken homes, promiscuity, absent fathers and criminal behaviors. Many of the childhood of young girls were ripped from them as they fell prey to men and suffered all kinds of abuse, both physically and emotionally. Most of these young girls became very promiscuous and were stigmatized and labeled as ‘whore, slut’ and all kinds of degrading names. Many of them engaged in sexual activities way too young and ended up single with many children to care for under the worst poverty stricken conditions.

Women often engaged in many battles as they competed for men against each other. They used their bodies to keep men happy as a way for them and their children to escape the vicious cycle of poverty. This created a climate of hatred, envy and jealousy amongst females. That same hostile environment is still here today, whilst there is a ‘brotherhood’ of love amongst men and young boys, women despise each other.

This got me thinking. About where we are politically, socially and personally. About the rise of misogyny, male domination and the continued decline of self worth, respect, morals and lack of admiration for ourselves and each other as ladies. About our inability to lift each other up, to inspire and to encourage. About where we are heading as women when we are only seen as sex objects. Where videos of young girls engaging in the worst type of sexual acts are shared via social media. What different outcome can theses young girls of today achieve? In reality history is constantly being repeated, back to the days of slavery and the older uneducated Island woman being raped over and over again by the Master and used as a vessel for child-bearing. The woman was reduced to nothing but ‘A Vagina’.

As I write this my mind runs on Billy Ocean and what he was thinking when he wrote and sang ‘Caribbean Queen’ and Luciano’s ‘Mama’. Our own Alison Hinds and Jamaican Richie Spice ‘King & Queen’ was a beautiful tribute to President Obama and his wife Michelle Obama. Now we are ‘Delilah’s’ according to Movado. Vybes Kartel is ratchet in ‘mi meck yah pum pum happy, me meck yah pum pum smile’ and ‘Yah Pum- pum is paradise’ encouraging young women from his prison cell that their Vaginas is here mainly for entertainment purposes. “00h gal you are sumptin sumptin on fleek” the newly youngster Alkaline flashes dollars as the female dancers twerks and splits leaving nothing for the imagination.

It is no wonder that so many of us suffer with insecurities and self doubt. We keep replaying demoralizing lyrics in our heads reminding us that we are destined to fail. Planting seeds of unworthiness, attacks on our identity, confidence, relationships, and most of all our womanhood.

Can we go forward as women witnessing this rapid decline of our future ‘Queens and World Leaders’ in our Homeland, resorting to nothing but ‘tight pussy winers, sprouting nukies’, victims of incest and molestation, rape, sodomy, and all kinds of negative sexual behavior. Does the sexual climate in Barbados and the Caribbean now more than ever promote these patterns of destruction? Maybe this is world-wide, sadly a sign of the times we are living in.
Can we go forward with this obsession for ‘the Vagina’ and not the woman?

‘And the Vagina cries……’Rise up Caribbean Queens….destiny is calling’

SSS

‘It is time to effect a revolution in female manners- time to restore to them their lost dignity- and make them as a part of the human species,labour by reforming themselves to reform the world. It is time to separate unchangeable morals from local manners.’ Mary Wollstonecraft.

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Obsession Thursday’s- Series 1

What’s Your Fetish?

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Pretty Panties

Today is Obsession Thursday’s, the first in a series of things I love to a point of obsession….

It’s not Valentine’s day……I just have a thing for clean, pretty panties….

Look I am a caregiver of a 62 year old lady, that only wears tong underwear….I think that’s so cool….what do you think? Sorry no grandma underwear here…

Anyone that knows me know I obsess so much with pretty panties that I even sell pretty panties whenever I visit my country Barbados….

Right now I am obsessing with the silk and lace boy- shorts…the kind that hugs your butt cheeks nicely, displaying lacy edges..

What pretty panties are you obsessing on….

I have so many interesting blog topics that I can write on, but today I am obsessing on my pretty panties…

Come on ladies, this blog is about ‘Loving thyself, self-love’ you can wear pretty panties every-day of the week. And please don’t tell me “these are period panties” gone are the days when ladies wear the biggest grandma panties to accommodate their menstrual cycle.

We have :

G- string

Underwear with ‘Love’ on the butt and all kinds of words

Boy shorts

Lacy Tongs

Regular Tongs

Sexy string boy- shorts

Sexy string tongs

My favorite of all, the never go out of style Lacy tongs….

Come on ladies, those are better than the panties that give you wedgies….

talking about wedgies…..

Have you ever been in a crowd and caught a ‘vagina wedgie?’ That’s the worst feeling, omg….and getting it out….tell me about it ladies….

Thats why I take the time to carefully choose what ‘pretty- panty’ I will choose to wear for the day….and ladies please make sure you have a surplus of clean pretty underwear, I say at least a 30- day supply. Even pretty period panties.

And please know when it’s time to dump that no longer pretty panty….

If you won’t let your man see you in it….

Time to dump it…

If it’s a boxer shorts that now fits like a tong, it’s time to go…

If the ‘S’ off Sexy is washed out, it’s time to go, it’s no longer sexy, it’s ‘exy’……

Being the confident  woman you are, your under clothing should speak that as well….

How about ‘ matching bra’ underwear?

Love em’

and if you are frugal like I am, Walmart have the ‘very-sexy’ brand…..

You don’t have to spend an arm and a leg on pretty underwear.

Pretty pink underwear….I wore PINK before Victoria Secret came out with that line. I totally love pink, pink lace, tiger and pink, peach and pink, turquoise and pink……I LOVE PINK….

Back in the Caribbean my mom would always say to myself and my three sisters, ” make sure you have nice clean underwear before you leave home.”

I am not sure if that’s where my obsession with underwear came from. On my last trip to my storage unit in Queens I found a bag full of brand new ‘pretty panties, that I had even forgotten were there. I smiled to myself, I am an addict, an underwear addict, a pretty- panty addict…

And I wear pretty panties, not for special occasions, not for a man, I am single. I wear pretty, clean panties because I love me…

So hi, it’s ‘Obsession Thursday’s…..check in with me next Thursday to see what I am obsessing about….

 

“A lady is as sexy as the panties she wears all day long…”

Sunshine Soulsister

 

 

 

 

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Living with a room-mate half my age….

Meet Gahbae, she is young, sassy and so sweet. Gahbae is Trinidadian. This is my room-mate, a younger version of myself. We met via Craig’s-list and hit it off right away.

Gahbae came to NewYork to pursue her music career. She is a great musician. Look out Rhianna, ( my little niece). Rhianna is Bajan like myself and I think of her as my niece. Gahbae has the same free- spiritedness as Rhianna and will definitely bring a freshness and brightness to the Music Industry.

Sometimes I think of Gahbae as my daughter. I remember one night she had a gig in New- York city, I slept most of the night, and  woke up about 5am, I looked in her room but she was not there. I begun to panic, but reminded myself that Gahbae was grown, and she was not my daughter.

However, as 10 am approached, I got worried, I picked up the phone and called. Gahbae answered in her deep Trinidadian accent. “Hi Gil, I hay in de studio, I decided to drop by, haha.” That ended my worries. For sure Gahbae knows how to care for herself. She was 25 yrs old, alone in this big city but not at all timid or withdrawn.

This took me back to when I was 18 years old, standing in the middle of Frankfurt Airport, looking all around for my host family. This was my first stint of being an Aupair and being away from home for a long period. I had travelled before to England where I visited relatives, but this was different. I was going to stay with strangers.

This airport was huge compared to the little Grantley Adams Airport in my Island Barbados. It was useless trying to communicate with anyone. I didn’t speak an ounce of the German Language. I waited abit and up came Madeleine and Mr. Kratzenberg, the family I was going to be staying with. I had met them at the Glitter Bay Hotel where I worked in Barbados and was happy to introduce them to my mom. My mom was abit hesitant about allowing me to go to Germany with these strangers but she knew I was capable of taking care of myself and being an Aupair would be easy as I love kids, being the eldest of 5.

In this moment living with Gahbae introduced me to my younger self. We had so many fun moments. I encouraged Gahbae to work on her career and not get caught up with falling in love as this could be such a distraction. I was so busy living life, being free- spirited and travelling, that later at 25 when I was married, I thanked God that I had those younger years to look back on.

Having a younger roommate full of life, asking for opinions on which half- naked outfit she should wear or hearing her dating woes, or even reminding her to eat filled me with great joy in this season of my life. Go Gahbae, follow your dreams, never ever giving up. Please visit http://www.facebook.com/gahbaie

 

Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.      Harriett Beecher Stowe