Wake up and live..


Suicide…..or Suicidal

Have you noticed the amount of people rushing off this planet?

Why are so many young, beautiful, full of life people saying goodbye?

Reality stars, Movie Stars, Entertainers, you name it. The suicide rate here in the USA is sky- rocketing. Almost every month someone is checking- out of planet earth. In Japan, it’s an epidemic. Never before have people been exposed to such a vast wealth of knowledge. We are living in a time of information, the age of cyber- space. just at the click of the mouse, and you have it. How to do this, how to do that. Learning tutorials, videos, documentaries, webinars, Wikipedia, the world wide web at your fingertips.

Social media, Is it too much for us to handle?

Are we really as intelligent as we would like to think?

Is this over load of technology and information too much for mere human beings? If you are feeling the blues one day you don’t have to wait three weeks to contact a family member. Gone are the days when you would page them with your beeper and pace up and down waiting for a response. No more snail mail forget the Post Office. Now you can video chat or make phone calls  on Whattsapp, Face Time, Imo and so many others.

Suddenly our lives are not ours anymore, yet there are some pros about these media platforms that all of us can admit makes us feel so much closer to relatives and friends far away. You can search and instantly connect with anyone. Or are these valuable assets, this immediacy provided by these media outlets hurting us more than we care to admit? Are the rewards too little in comparison to the invasion of our privacy that we freely surrender?

Being able to see others create magic in their personal lives by capturing and sharing happy moments, successes and achievements for some seems so rewarding.

What about that person that just can’t seem to get their head above water?

Setbacks of all kinds, defeats one after the other. Those whose lives are filled with turmoil and despair. Up one day only to be knocked back down again tomorrow. Are these connections sincere enough for us to foster meaningful relationships, whether it’s a relative or someone to talk to if we are in a downward spiral?

This is the Life we now live…..

Building resilience, bounce back muscles, getting back up after a major disaster, I have been there. Yet it’s not easy at all. Not everyone can handle the ultimate kind of life experiences that can either make or break you. A transition for some is a means to a new beginning, new paths and opportunities for growth. For others the process of change can be totally devastating.

Yet we must find a way to prevail, to find joy in living. We must embrace impermanence, and end our own suffering. Our false beliefs and attachments to what isn’t real can set us up for failure. Developing our own spirituality, an awareness of total responsibility for our lives. Accepting that in time things have a way of working out in our favor. There is a higher power at work and if we only surrender. New miracles await us, a light at the end of the tunnel.

Life is magnificent, life is waiting to give us always, another chance….

Life is the Female Professional Surfer loosing her arm in the jaws of a hungry shark, adjusting to life with one arm, and going on to be the proud mom of a baby son.

Life is a Nurse contracting a deadly form of bacterial meningitis, loosing her limbs, and going on to fulfill her dream of being a model. She walked the runaway during Newyork fashion week. Here is what she had to say, ” You’re in charge of your own reality, yes what happened to me was horrible but I have to change that negative into a positive.”

Life is a husband finding love again, remarries two years after his first wife drowned their five kids in a bath tub after kissing him goodbye and wishing him a ‘good day at work’.

Life is the tumultuous affair that tore your heart to pieces, the heartbreak, the betrayal, the divorce, the financial nightmare, the miscarriage, a serious sometimes fatal health problem, the death….

the abuse, the rape, the crime, the brutal killing of a love one…

Life is the story you are telling yourself about yourself….are you comparing your life to others? Are you so hooked on Reality Tv, all the glamour, is it all real or simply phony?  Maybe you should be careful of what you are watching on tv. Is this contributing to you being unhappy?

What you are dealing with might be very difficult but it’s important to be optimistic, focus on positive outcomes. Create a new story…..it’s all possible. Accept yourself for who you are, embrace you, your flaws and all….

Don’t give up on yourself. Find ways to bring joy back into your life, focus on the new life you want to have. Resilience takes time so be kind to yourself.  Maybe you should take a time out from your regular routine, try something different. Take a vacation, a trip somewhere.  Some days will be more challenging than others, set goals, visualize yourself in your new life..

Death, Suicide, the unknown, is never  the answer.

When life gets overwhelming and I need to take a pause, this is where I go……Barbados……..my home not so faraway…..


‘Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It’s the courage to continue that counts.’ Winston Churchill

― Henry David Thoreau, Walden: Or, Life in the Woods


Obsession Thursday’s – Series 2……..I love food….



I just have a thing for food…

Last week Thursday was the first in a series of things I obsess with. Today I want to share with you my love for food. I love eating, and most of all I love eating my own dishes. I first transistioned to a vegetarian diet a few years back. This lasted for 3 years then out of boredom I resorted to meat dishes, especially anything chicken.

A year ago, I wanted to shred a few pounds and focused more on overall nutrition and clean eating, so the meat had to go. I realized that I would have to become creative in meal planning as the choices of vegetarian dishes that were available sucked. So I begun preparing all kinds of fancy dishes, and today I want to share one of my favorites with you.

Kidney Bean & Lentil Peas Salad

Here is what you will need to prepare this dish.

1/2 teaspoon of diced sweet peppers      1/4 teaspoon of red diced onions, a few uncooked baby spinach leaves, a few slices of cucumber, 1/4 teaspoon of cranberries, a dash of blue cheese (optional), 1/2 cup kidney beans, 1/4 cup lentil peas, 1/2 teaspoon Onions, dash of Ginger, 1/2 cup cherry tomatoes   1 flour/ whole wheat tortilla, a dash of salt (optional)

Cook the kidney beans and lentil peas in a medium pot with water until fully cooked, add onions, ginger and tomatoes and 1/2 cup of water, simmer on low until it becomes a nice creamy sauce. Adding salt and pepper to season is optional as I try to stay away from seasonings. (Fresh herbs such as  thyme, rosemary and sweet basil can be added for a rich taste).

In a medium frying pan add a dash of olive oil, place tortilla and let sit for about 1 minute, turn once. Place tortilla on a plate and add your (uncooked) spinach leaves, slices of cucumber, diced sweet peppers and diced red onions.

Add the kidney beans and lentil peas cream sauce mixture, garnish with cranberries and sprinkle with blue cheese. Fold over tortilla and cut into 3 triangular sections with a cooking scissors….

( It’s important that your kidney beans are fully cooked, and the sauce is creamy and flavored to suit your individual taste).

This red bean and lentil peas cream sauce on a bed of white or brown  rice makes a great dinner time meal. I love being very creative in the kitchen. I am a salad freak and I add salads and greens  to most of my dishes.

Tortillas are fun and  and can be used with  many simple dishes. Check out below, I made a tuna salad with cranberries  on a bed of spinach.



Eating fresh vegetables is easy as being Caribbean, most of our dishes included freshly home grown vegetables and salad. It’s important that my meals are colorful and nutritious as well.

Many busy moms can relate to taking care of everyone and not finding enough time for themselves. That was me until I realized that no one is going to take care of me but me. So I find time to eat a well balanced diet and take care of my body.

Other foods that I tend to cook a lot are fresh salmon, fresh tuna,  loads of vegetable dishes. I can never get enough spinach. I love eggplant, sweet potatoes,beets, broccoli, green beans and most vegetables.

Cooking can be so much fun when you become creative, there is no one way to prepare a meal. Adding fresh herbs for me makes most meals come alive. Sprinkle some fresh sweet basil and rosemary and olive oil on your vegetables. Cooking them in the oven helps to seal that moisture and flavor. Be careful not to over cook them.

When alone set the table nicely, have a tall glass of water or maybe a glass of wine if you care to. Take time to relax, chew your food, let it digest, and most importantly, take time for you…





Visit the Caribbean….Surf side Restaurant, Barbados…

A great place to eat……

‘The first wealth is health.’ Ralph Waldo Emerson




Stop breaking your own heart…

We all have stories of who or what kind of person we want to become….and we all have stories of the person that we fear the most, that one  person who treated us unkind, humiliated us or just simply took our love for granted. 

What if you woke up one day and realized that the qualities that person had, the ones you hated the most, are the qualities that you now possess…..

and those terrible characteristic traits that caused you so much hurt and pain and resulted in your own suffering are now what you give to others…..let me share my story with you.

He was gone…..

I laid in bed wondering how did I let him slipped away. He was by far the best man I had ever encountered. He was rugged and seemed tough on the outside, but was far from that. He was gentle and so damn caring and knew how to treat his lady….

Who taught him that….

He would often expressed the hurt and betrayal that he had suffered after his one and only relationship. So many years had passed but it was evident that he was still carrying so much of that baggage and pain around…..

Yet he loved me unconditionally…

This was new to me. He wanted nothing from me, but for me to return that love to him. All he asked was for me to ‘stop doubting me’ as he so often put it. Little did he know that my trust issues had nothing at all to do with him, but everything to do with …..

The Woman I Had Become….

Not even I recognized her. Until one night I was going back over the day’s events in my mind. I was tortured, I was tormented. How could a person that love you treat you this way? How could someone so sweet throw such insults and criticism and make you feel so great and on top of the world bring you down without a moments notice to ground zero…..

Love is not supposed to hurt….

How could I hurt the man I was so in love with this way? This was the man who I cherished more than anything. This was my knight and shining armor, who I was ready to defend. He meant the world to me, yet he was hurt, he was confused and damaged….

By me…..

‘Abuse, what a coward, oh how it hurts’

Those were the words I had penned so nicely in that poem, the one I wrote years ago, that literally saved me. I remember looking on the page at the words flowing from my heart, as I expressed all the pain inside I was experiencing. I read that poem as if someone else had written it….’Is this the life I dreamt about, the one I see unfolding before my eyes’ the words echoed back at me…..


I never want anyone to ever feel or experience this life, it was the mental abuse that hurt more than anything. There are some words that cut straight through the heart. They stay with you for a lifetime. Once you speak them it’s as if they take on a life of themselves. There is indeed ‘power in the tongue’…..


This time those words were coming from me, I was speaking all these mean terrible things to the person I love, it was terrible, it was disgusting, oh so humiliating and shameful but what hurt the worst was, I was repeating what was done to me. All the characteristics of that person were suddenly now mine. I had exchanged my sweet soft spoken tone  to a more aggressive and spiteful one. My uplifting, praising and encouraging nature was now replaced by behavior I didn’t recognize……

Why him?

This hurt him so badly, he didn’t deserve this, all he ever did was shown me kindness, loved me, treated me well. Why would I hurt the kind of person that I prayed for, hoped for?

What was I saying?

Am I now unable to receive that love I longed for? What kind of person had I became? Did all the years of abuse,hurt, anger, pain, shame and humiliation created this? As I searched for answers I realized there were signs of low self worth, self-sabotaged, poor choices, it was plain to see that I was still carrying around my ex with me. I was the one doing all those terrible things to myself.

I was breaking my own heart…..

Sunshine Soulsister



Feelfree to leave comments below and share your own story.  Stories like this one are meant to encourage and uplift others. Abuse wears many faces, abuse is never the answer….

Domestic Abuse Hurts….








Obsession Thursday’s- Series 1

What’s Your Fetish?

Pretty Panties

Today is Obsession Thursday’s, the first in a series of things I love to a point of obsession….

It’s not Valentine’s day……I just have a thing for clean, pretty panties….

Look I am a caregiver of a 62 year old lady, that only wears tong underwear….I think that’s so cool….what do you think? Sorry no grandma underwear here…

Anyone that knows me know I obsess so much with pretty panties that I even sell pretty panties whenever I visit my country Barbados….

Right now I am obsessing with the silk and lace boy- shorts…the kind that hugs your butt cheeks nicely, displaying lacy edges..

What pretty panties are you obsessing on….

I have so many interesting blog topics that I can write on, but today I am obsessing on my pretty panties…

Come on ladies, this blog is about ‘Loving thyself, self-love’ you can wear pretty panties every-day of the week. And please don’t tell me “these are period panties” gone are the days when ladies wear the biggest grandma panties to accommodate their menstrual cycle.

We have :

G- string

Underwear with ‘Love’ on the butt and all kinds of words

Boy shorts

Lacy Tongs

Regular Tongs

Sexy string boy- shorts

Sexy string tongs

My favorite of all, the never go out of style Lacy tongs….

Come on ladies, those are better than the panties that give you wedgies….

talking about wedgies…..

Have you ever been in a crowd and caught a ‘vagina wedgie?’ That’s the worst feeling, omg….and getting it out….tell me about it ladies….

Thats why I take the time to carefully choose what ‘pretty- panty’ I will choose to wear for the day….and ladies please make sure you have a surplus of clean pretty underwear, I say at least a 30- day supply. Even pretty period panties.

And please know when it’s time to dump that no longer pretty panty….

If you won’t let your man see you in it….

Time to dump it…

If it’s a boxer shorts that now fits like a tong, it’s time to go…

If the ‘S’ off Sexy is washed out, it’s time to go, it’s no longer sexy, it’s ‘exy’……

Being the confident  woman you are, your under clothing should speak that as well….

How about ‘ matching bra’ underwear?

Love em’

and if you are frugal like I am, Walmart have the ‘very-sexy’ brand…..

You don’t have to spend an arm and a leg on pretty underwear.

Pretty pink underwear….I wore PINK before Victoria Secret came out with that line. I totally love pink, pink lace, tiger and pink, peach and pink, turquoise and pink……I LOVE PINK….

Back in the Caribbean my mom would always say to myself and my three sisters, ” make sure you have nice clean underwear before you leave home.”

I am not sure if that’s where my obsession with underwear came from. On my last trip to my storage unit in Queens I found a bag full of brand new ‘pretty panties, that I had even forgotten were there. I smiled to myself, I am an addict, an underwear addict, a pretty- panty addict…

And I wear pretty panties, not for special occasions, not for a man, I am single. I wear pretty, clean panties because I love me…

So hi, it’s ‘Obsession Thursday’s…..check in with me next Thursday to see what I am obsessing about….


“A lady is as sexy as the panties she wears all day long…”

Sunshine Soulsister






I vow never to go there again…

If you fall and bruise your knee you can always guarantee there will be someone there with a bandaid, a headache? A Tylenol, what about depression? Oh come on get over it. No one understands that depression is a serious illness that can effect anyone. In today’s society there are more than enough reasons to be depressed, yet this painful illness gets little or no attention, most times overlooked.

I remembered all too well as there were days  when I could hardly get out of bed. The worst was when friends that normally saw me as this bubbly, happy, full of life person started to disappear. There was no one to talk to, no support at all.

So how did I cope?

I am a fun- person, I am overall a positive person, I love life, and I love to smile. Depression robbed me of this, it felt like it took me away from me.  I had to fight to get me back. It was clear that depression wasn’t giving up so easily. What I hated most about depression was the  sick old ‘stinking thinking’ over and over, the same old crappy thoughts in my head. I wasn’t a person that stuck to doing the same things over and over again. My personality was more of ‘ an all over the place type’ so this record player that felt like it was stuck had to go…

I attempted to get help, but since I hate to be medicated, that didn’t work. My doctor who was the sweetest man I met decided that I should do more of the things I liked to do and less of the things I didn’t. Well I liked travelling to my country, I love swimming in the blue ocean. I loved sitting by my friend’s Bar in Barbados. I love South Florida. I love walking along Federal Highway in Hollywood, Florida. I love writing. I love books. So I did all the things I love.

I would read loads of books, and write and write, and travel back and forth to my country, and take as many trips to South Florida as possible. All of this proved to work for me, all of this made me feel alive again. I was too busy moving to notice that broken record player trying to get back into my mind…..

But it did. It would show up every now and then.

Then one day I was listening to a YouTube video by Joel Osteen, and he said , ‘ you got to start talking back to those thoughts, you have to start speaking life into your situation, you have to start speaking to that depression, you have to evict that depression from out of your mind…’

That did it for me….right away I started to change what I was speaking about myself, what I was thinking about myself, I started telling others ‘I used to be depressed’ That was a thing of the past. I realized that my mind would try to get the best of me when I was alone so I would find books to read or things to do, or places to go. Being isolated is something depression loves.  Not just being alone, but isolated, then it can sneak up on you. Knowing your triggers is very important. Keeping a journal and documenting what those triggers are can help a lot with your healing.

I would never advise anyone to deal with the depression my way as I am not by any means a Therapist, as depression is a very serious Mental illness and needs to be treated by a Physician.

I now have my smile back and some days I may feel abit down as I choose to say, but ‘Depressed’ that’s a thing of the past….please share with me your story on depression and how you overcome it.








Living with a room-mate half my age….

Meet Gahbae, she is young, sassy and so sweet. Gahbae is Trinidadian. This is my room-mate, a younger version of myself. We met via Craig’s-list and hit it off right away.

Gahbae came to NewYork to pursue her music career. She is a great musician. Look out Rhianna, ( my little niece). Rhianna is Bajan like myself and I think of her as my niece. Gahbae has the same free- spiritedness as Rhianna and will definitely bring a freshness and brightness to the Music Industry.

Sometimes I think of Gahbae as my daughter. I remember one night she had a gig in New- York city, I slept most of the night, and  woke up about 5am, I looked in her room but she was not there. I begun to panic, but reminded myself that Gahbae was grown, and she was not my daughter.

However, as 10 am approached, I got worried, I picked up the phone and called. Gahbae answered in her deep Trinidadian accent. “Hi Gil, I hay in de studio, I decided to drop by, haha.” That ended my worries. For sure Gahbae knows how to care for herself. She was 25 yrs old, alone in this big city but not at all timid or withdrawn.

This took me back to when I was 18 years old, standing in the middle of Frankfurt Airport, looking all around for my host family. This was my first stint of being an Aupair and being away from home for a long period. I had travelled before to England where I visited relatives, but this was different. I was going to stay with strangers.

This airport was huge compared to the little Grantley Adams Airport in my Island Barbados. It was useless trying to communicate with anyone. I didn’t speak an ounce of the German Language. I waited abit and up came Madeleine and Mr. Kratzenberg, the family I was going to be staying with. I had met them at the Glitter Bay Hotel where I worked in Barbados and was happy to introduce them to my mom. My mom was abit hesitant about allowing me to go to Germany with these strangers but she knew I was capable of taking care of myself and being an Aupair would be easy as I love kids, being the eldest of 5.

In this moment living with Gahbae introduced me to my younger self. We had so many fun moments. I encouraged Gahbae to work on her career and not get caught up with falling in love as this could be such a distraction. I was so busy living life, being free- spirited and travelling, that later at 25 when I was married, I thanked God that I had those younger years to look back on.

Having a younger roommate full of life, asking for opinions on which half- naked outfit she should wear or hearing her dating woes, or even reminding her to eat filled me with great joy in this season of my life. Go Gahbae, follow your dreams, never ever giving up. Please visit http://www.facebook.com/gahbaie


Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.      Harriett Beecher Stowe




Letting go..

Letting go of what people think about you is the highest form of self love…Love thyself…

I love myself enough to take time to care for myself. That involves preparing nutritious meals, pampering myself and being patient with myself. I am a lover of people, that hasn’t always worked on my behalf, but what that has taught me is how to definitely take care of myself. I would go so far out of my way to help others. Why not do the same for oneself.

Some of us walk around with that “please love me” sticker on our foreheads, while that little voice inside is crying out to you the same. It’s so easy to settle into relationships where you are just giving and giving and never on the receiving end. That can only provide you with a temporary satisfaction as we all craved to be love. Love is an action word. Someone saying ” I love you” and never showing that they really do is meaningless.

In order to really love another person, we must begin to love ourselves just as much, taking the time to spend quality time with ourselves. Using that same love we would give to another to ourselves.  Today I embrace myself, today I love myself…

Love thyself…