Hi lovelies…

It’s been a minute…The new year took off like a tsunami rushing towards the shore. I have visited relatives in Barbados, that always gives me such a relief and joy. I spent some time with my sons in Newyork. That too was very rewarding. I am back in South Florida where the happy people reside.

I dropped by to encourage someone today, not to give up…keep your chin up and smile through the madness…pause from the sadness and be grateful for the moments of gladness…

From South Florida…many greetings…and tell me about your new year so far…


Leave a comment…

A broken hearted mother- Debbie Reynolds

image.jpgIn agonizing pain I cried myself to sleep sharing in her grief. I often wondered if I too would make it or succumb to this heaviness in my chest, a broken heart struggling to recover and adjust to the emptiness left behind. A heart can only take so much. I screamed over and over asking rhetorically, ” mummy why did you leave me?”
I reached for the telephone and searched my Twitter feed for more information. Something that would describe this mother’s final moments of anguish and deep sorrow. Then I saw it, “Debbie Reynolds was so overwhelmed by her daughter Carrie Fisher’s death that  she cried ” I want to be with Carrie, I want to be with Carrie,” as she too took her last breath. 

 I understood, I got it. The death of a love one as I recently found out after my own mother’s passing, can wreak havoc on your own well- being, leaving you numb for a long time. The desire for one more chance to hold their hand or to hear their voice can rule your daily emotions. Denial, anger, depression, acceptance or just sadness are some of the stages of grief, so few coping mechanisms available. Yet, for some nothing makes sense anymore. Life is never the same…

R.I. P  to our love ones….

R.I.P Debbie Reynolds & Carrie Fisher


Energy Clearing…

I am in the season of clearing my energy…creating balance in my life…been weighed down by grief and sadness. However I am smiling through the sadness and madness. Looking forward to a new thoughts, new choices, new behaviors, new experiences, new emotions, a new me..  I am reinventing me…be back soon…..


Getting to Happy…..The Real…..


“Yes we fight, yes we are normal, but we do respect and love each other.”
I listened attentively as my friend Sophia explained the relationship between herself and her two sisters. Her eldest sister, on her way back to New York  had dropped in at the hotel here on Miami Beach for a quick hug.

‘Priceless’ ….I looked away smiling to myself, racing thoughts of my own relationship with my three sisters flooded my mind. Being the oldest gave me a heartfelt sense of responsibility, yet admiration for my sisters.

imageEach one of them have their own uniqueness with very strong personalities, but Cathy the one after me and Nat, the youngest were never a force to be reckon with. They both shared many similarities like our mom. They love cooking, shopping and traveling.
Marcel the middle child, ‘Mystic Butterfly’ is the show stopper. She is very adventurous, creative and loves fashion, entertaining and decorating. Her biggest struggle is having to deal with three very over- protective sisters. ( Not to mention our little brother Jason).
A sister-ly relationship is a special one, it can be at times annoying, at times a love- hate one. Tumultuous, emotional, a constant battle, female hormones all over the place. Phone hang ups, screaming matches, but who knows you better than your sister.

imageI just got off the phone with Marcel, we recently shared the same living room space for 6 months while caring for our mom. It was a crazy, sad, exciting, terrible time for us. I really miss her. Here I am once again intruding into her private life, always highly opinionated’… I laughed half- loud to myself… thinking ‘poor soul’ how does she ever manages with sisters like us. I pictured her hanging up the phone with a sigh of relief….For sure she knows she is loved….

imageWe were very close as children growing up. We played amongst each other and were always there for each other. As adults, oftentimes too busy with our own families, it was somewhat difficult making time for each other. We had drifted apart. Mom’s death, the ultimate blow left us looking to each other for answers, comfort and support. The saying ‘what doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger’ definitely applies here. It’s during this difficult time that I can agree, we got so much closer, our sisterly relationship grew stronger.

Recently, Nat and I spent some time in Miami, with Reina, Nat’s daughter. It was beautiful. The four of us sisters now have plans to travel, spend more time together, and to be there for each other. The love we have and the bond we now share, sealed by fate is somehow unbreakable. It seems like déjàvu. It reminds me, as I reminisce of when we were younger, and only had each other……


#Getting to happy, #mindsetmakeover

image#mummy little girls


Letting go…..

I stumbled upon a pair of silver bangles that once were my moms’. I held them close to my bossom as if it was her hands clinging unto my chest. I decided that I wanted to wear them, but that would mean stripping my left hand with the sacred beads from my sister, and removing the gold bracelets, gold necklace and rings. Each piece of jewelry was of value to me. I paused for a brief second contemplating if I really wanted to do this. 

‘Do I really want to detach myself from these valuable pieces?’ Detachment….’when did I ever got attached to anything?’…..

I hurriedly removed each piece, stored them safely away and placed mother dearest bangles on my left wrist, a not so silver ring on my finger, and another silverish piece on my right hand. I tightened the clasp of the necklace around my neck, this piece with an emerald stone was  simple yet beautiful.  No amount of diamond nor gold outweighed the value of each of these pieces, all from my mom’s collection…I must remain free, free from attachment I thought to myself……

This brought me back to the teachings of Pema Chodron a Tibetan Buddhist monk that I followed over the years. ‘When things fall apart’ is one of her best sellers. ‘Relaxing with Impermanence’ spoke to my soul. It’s here where I learnt the art of detachment. I have found great peace and mindfulness  by her practices and teachings. 

I think it’s important to acknowledge our teachers, mentors, or people that just inspire us. (As much as we would like others to think we are geniuses, the world is filled with many great writers, bloggers, who all learnt from someone.)

As I sit here in the coffee shop admiring the beauty of South Florida, I embrace this beautiful day. My thought for today is ‘Letting go…’ whether it’s a broken promise, false belief, a person, a job or a place that no longer serves us. 

The message at church last Sunday was about Elisha holding unto an ox. Sheryl Brady reminded us that, something like a stupid ox, could have prevented Elisha from following Elijah and receiving God’s blessings. (Not taking away anything from this animal). She asked us to examine our lives and see what ‘stupid thing’ we are holding unto….unfruitful connections, relationships, the company you keep? ‘Stop following stupid’ she reminded us.’ It causes you to compromise, get out of character.’ 

I walked away gaining so much from that sermon, realizing that in every season of my life, there may always be something I have to let go of….

*Ralph Smart@Infinitewaters*


    Sweet Surrender

    Life happens…..As I gaze across the horizon, a clear view of Biscayne Bay in  Miami Beach with its shallow sand and banks of dark brown seaweed can be seen in the distance.  A dullish, greyish blue skyline stretches  over South Florida. A euphoric calmness, peaceful and relaxing mood in the air. Such a shift in comparison to the hustle and bustle I left behind in Newyork City. It feels good to be back.

    All kind of memories were flooding my mind. I cannot remember a time in my adult life when I wasn’t battling something. It was always one thing or another. Just when things would get under control, oops, something else would present itself. I learnt how to say  and this too will pass….nevertheless life is good….


    I created this  blog never dreaming in a million years I would share so much of my most vulnerable and painful moments….’yet still I rise’ a work in progress…In the next few months I hope to share more fun and exciting moments. I plan to write more, workout more and take lots of pic. It’s my intention to keep on living and surrendering to the moment, never taking for granted this life..Challenges will come and go, learning how to bounce back, dust yourself off  is my true nature…

    Vibration and movement was and still is very important to me. Being stagnant, the ‘terrible sin,’ I call it, never worked for me. Sitting here watching the waves lash against the shores, I think about the word ‘stability,’ I never understood that word. Society’s interpretation and expectations of how a person should live just doesn’t  sit well with me….A cool breeze coming off the ocean interrupted those thoughts, ‘who cares what anyone thinks? I sighed, smiling to myself. For so  long now I knew I was different, cut from a different cloth. I have embraced it all. Still I aspire to be all I was created to be….So for now I will keep on moving…I will never stop hoping…it’s the season for the dreamers….I can feel it…I believe in me…








    A friend is…

    To always be cherished….imageIt’s always nice when a sister or friend reaches out and sends us love. It was this beautiful pic above that I really needed…How could she have known that in this moment I needed to be reminded of who ‘I am’…..I am ussually very careful of my words and how I speak, especially about myself. However,  recently words like sad, heartbroken, overwhelmed and lost ….were following my ‘I am’. I am so grateful that she understood that even in this season of grief, I am still accountable for the words I speak as these words are constantly shaping my own reality.

    So today…

    I am truly grateful

    I am filled with the awareness that only goodness surrounds me

    I am comforted to know that people care

    I am constantly reminded that we need each more than we care to admit….

     Sophia Haynes

    Yet on the flip side of all this, in this season I have come to the realization that I know nothing……

    I am filled with power yet in some situations powerless

    I possess unremarkable strength, yet weak

    I am the smile, the frown, positivity, negativity all combine

    I am the friend that cares

    So it’s with utmost gratitude that I receive this reminder from the Universe that a friend out there is thinking and caring about me enough to remind me who I am…..


    To all of you beautiful people that reached out to our family during this season of grief….

    I am…..

    Great because of you…




    An Angel is watching over us…


    imageLast night I googled that dreadful disease that took my mom. This was the first time since she departed that I looked at This had been an obsession of mines for the last 6 months. Google was my friend, informing me of everything about this nasty illness that I had never heard of.

    What is Scleroderma?


    We held a ‘Celebration of Life’ at Refuge Church of God in Brooklyn. My mom served as the Usher’s President for many years and later she was responsible for the Usher’s Ministry of the Church of God of Brooklyn. This was a role she took seriously. Serving God and being an obedient servant was my mom’s first love.


    Brooklyn Ny


    Even though my mom opened her home to many people who were in need, her love for my siblings and myself was like no other. She loved us unconditionally. We were her life. In her last days mom told me over and over how much she loved everyone of us. She was sure she would get over the illness as she didn’t want to leave us.


    imageMom was laid to rest at St. James Cemetery, Barbados. A beautiful soul who touched everyone she came in contact with. She taught us how to love and how to give, even when you had nothing to give….


    More pics coming….






    She is no more…..

    Mom wasn’t just a mom to my brother, sisters and myself. Mom was mom to everyone she met. Mom is gone, she left us yesterday, oh how she fought to stay here with us…..oh how wounded I am…my soul begs for one last touch….


    R.I.P my mummy….

    (to be continued)